When a woman becomes a mother...

“A woman becomes a mother when she gets pregnant, a man becomes a father when he sees his baby."

True?  Maybe in most cases.  But isn't there a difference for moms as well when they actually see their baby?  Don't get me wrong.  Noah made damn sure I knew he was there between his acrobatics, the heartburn, and crazy hormones.  Greg, of course, was (in my mind) completely comfortable for all those months and never once worried about a tiny person karate chopping his dinner right back up his throat.  So the idea behind that quote makes sense.  but is either parent fully prepared for the amount of love they are going to have for this new life?   Seeing him, holding him, and kissing his sweet cheeks is something a new father OR mother can't fully understand until he/she experiences it. 

Depending on the pregnancy and the mother, some women do seem to become "mommies" sooner.  For example, when we had complications early on our midwife ignorantly stated that she'd see us next week if I was "still pregnant."  My instincts said to beat the crap out of her for suggesting my baby wasn't going to make it.  Fortunately I had restraint and simply asked to never EVER be scheduled with her again.  Of course, she ended up delivering my son and I've long since forgiven her insensitivity, but at the time this woman discovered her inner Mama Bear!   I've heard other moms say that they "got it" because they had been preparing for so long (mentally, physically, financially, etc.).  While others went through similar situations as I did, and had more experience protecting their child prior to birth. 

Then there are those on the other end of the spectrum. 

I admit to being a fairly selfish person, but sometimes I'm blown away by just how selfish some mothers are.  Yes, I was desperate to have my body back to myself, but that didn't mean I caved and drank a beer or a glass of wine just because I felt like it.  And how many times have you seen pregnant women smoking?  Some mothers just don't consider their unborn child.  They are more concerned with what they want right now than about what effects it may have on the child.  As a side note, let me say that I do give credit to the women who fight to give up their bad habits quickly upon finding out they are pregnant.  They are an example of the "I get it" moms.  (Afterall, an addict weaning quickly is often more successful than one quitting cold turkey.) It's the ones that continue, however frequently, simply because they want to.  "That beer looks so cold and frosty. One won't hurt!"  "My day is sucking. I need a smoke. So what if my baby weighs a little less? Little babies are cute!"  I wanted to smack myself writing those two sentences. 

I'm not sure what I'm getting at with this blog... It's pretty much just a rant after reading something online.  So I think I'll just end this abruptly.

Mompetitors

http://www.parenting.com/blogs/parenting-post/erin-zammett-ruddy/ever-come-across-mompetitor-are-you-one?src=soc&dom=fb#.TnyrqeB43ms.facebook

I know a few competitive parents like the one shown in the above link.  But, I certainly hope no one considers me a mompetitor. 

Sure, I feed my son organic most of the time, but sometimes the non-organic stuff is just soooo much cheaper I can't bring myself to not get it!  Plus, there are fewer flavors in the organic brands.  But he also eats cheese puffs and other semi-junk food right now.  Inevitably, he will someday eat a McDonald's cheeseburger and that does not freak me out in the least.

Yes, he has been hitting some of his milestones early.  What should I do?  Pretend it isn't happening?  Post "Noah's crawling!" as my facebook status 2 months after the fact because it's a more normal age for crawling?  I'm proud of him regardless of when he achieves these developmental goals, as I should be.  To be honest, it makes me sad that he hits so many so early.  To me, my baby is growing up too fast.  We lose 2-3 months of "baby time."  But still, I am proud of my tough, strong little man and I don't think I should hold back that pride so I don't offend another mom.

We also still use Dreft for all of his laundry (I love the smell!) and use baby powder on a regular basis (again... that amazing smell!).  I made my own diaper bag and am sewing his Halloween costume.  This is out of boredom, not because I want my kid to look better than your kid while they go around getting candy they can't even eat yet.  I actually haven't started the costume, just bought the materials.  So we'll see if it actually happens.

Sure, Noah and I have our strong points.  But believe me, we've got our weaknesses. 

Nursing?  Not for us.  We gave it a try and it didn't work.  I finally thought to myself, "Can I tell which of my friends were nursed and which were bottle-fed?  No!  They're all (fairly) well-adjusted human beings."  I'm confident that my bottle-fed son will turn out just fine.

Pacifiers?  You bethca!  They're orthodontic, so we're pretty much just hoping that prevents any dental damage.  But if they help him now, we're gonna use them.  Unless you're planning on helping us pay for braces, keep your opinion to yourself.  My son won't graduate high school with a binky, so suck away kid!

Schedule?  What's that?  We're on Noah time around here.  It's a pain in the butt, but frankly I'm too damn lazy to try to enforce some sort of schedule.  Some days he eats 3 meals with bottles in between, other days it's only 2.  Some naps (taken in his pack-n-play in the living room) are 20min. others are 2-3 hours.  Sometimes bedtime is at 8, sometimes it's at 11.  I do not care.  We do what we do when we do it and it works for us.

Our diapers are disposable, we have an actual walker with wheels and all, sometimes his Bumbo is placed on the couch, and right now he's playing with a (closed) paint can. 

Am I a mompetitor?  No.  I'm just Noah's mom.

Are we perfect?  Not by a longshot.  But we are us, and that's alright with me.  Strengths, weaknesses, and everything in between. <3

Being forgotten

Living in a town the size of Morgantown, you would think there would be at least a few child (& parent) friendly activities.  Not so much.  At least not for little ones.  To my knowledge there are no baby gyms or activity centers.  Nor are there any parenting groups that I've heard of.  This wouldn't be so bad if I had plenty of other friends with small children, but I don't. 

Almost everyone that Greg and I spent time with pre-Noah were childless.  Not because we didn't like families, it was just how things worked out.  But as soon as I found out we were expecting, most of those non-parent friends began pulling away.  I couldn't just hop in the car at a moments notice to meet them at a bar, movie, or restaurant anymore.  I no longer fit into their lifestyle.  So what use was I to them?  None.  A year later this still hurts an unbelievable amount.  I'm sure everyone goes through this to some degree.  But some people are fortunate enough to be surrounded by the kinds of friends who genuinely care about them.  I had a couple of those friends, but the rest seemed to fall off the face of the earth last July. 

I was forgotten. 

I do have other mom friends.  Friends from high school, college, and some from more recent years.   Most of them live far away, though.  Almost all of them lead very busy lives between work and family.  It would be wonderful to have a stay-at-home mom friend here in Morgantown.  I have just one, who has been amazing but is leaving soon.  So now what? 

This brings me back to my original topic.  A town like Morgantown should have WAY more options for parents and little ones.  But no.  This entire town caters to students at the university.  Doesn't this town realize there are families here, too?  Moms will spend a whole lot more time and money to help the local economy than some 19-year-old still getting an allowance from home.  Open up an indoor playground!  Organize some sort of groups for parents!  Do something for the local citizens who should be your first priority anyway seeing as how we vote, pay taxes, etc.  Maybe then more young families will stay in the area.  Because right now I just want to leave and find a more family-oriented town to live in.  Right now I just want to find other people who understand.  Right now I just don't want to feel alone.

Being a mom can be extremely isolating and lonely.  :(

Right smack where it should be...

On July 10th, 2010 I finally broke down and took a pregnancy test.  I swore it would be negative.  Sure, my Nuvaring had disappeared at some point in May, but everything seemed to be going normally since then.  Kind of.  I had been experiencing pretty constant spotting since late May so I assumed it was my body readjusting itself due to the loss of the ring.  Yep... I'm dumb.  I was also extremely tired and got waves of nausea in the evenings.  And ice cream? Yes please!   Go ahead and add moodiness onto the list.  (I don't think this is true, but Greg will tell you otherwise.)   But I had just bought a new home and was dealing with all the stress of being a new homeowner.  That's why I was nauseas, right?  Then I had to drive a half an hour further to work making my workday an hour longer.  Of COURSE I was tired in the evenings!  As far as the ice cream craving, it was summer.  Who doesn't want ice cream in the summer?!  But Greg insisted something was up, so I went out and got the test.  What I'm about to say will never be repeated.  So, Greg, enjoy this moment.

Greg was right. I was wrong.

I ended up calling an OB I knew and told her my symptoms, including the spotting and cramping.  She thought it could be ectopic and said if it got worse to go to an ER immediately.  On Monday it got really bad.  After work I rushed to the ER expecting the worst. 

My mother met me there since Greg couldn't.  (If you weren't aware, the Army has the ability to see into the future to make sure soldiers miss as many important events as possible.)  By the time the ultrasound began I had prepared myself for bad news.  The tech finally looked at me and said something along the lines of, "Um. Are you..... Did you know... Uh. What are... I... (long pause) Is there a chance you're pregnant?"  I informed him that I was, which was why I was there, and that they believed it to be ectopic.  He let out a huge sigh of relief and said that they had said I was having stomach pains and nothing about a pregnancy.  Then he said (verbatim... I'll never forget these words), "There's nothing ectopic about this pregnancy at all.  It's right smack where it should be. Want to see?" 

A moment later I was staring at the grainy screen watching a very VERY squiggly little jelly bean wiggle and jiggle around in a perfect baby-growing environment.  Then the tech turned on the sound so we could hear the beautiful "whoosh-whoosh-whoosh-whoosh" of a teeny, tiny heartbeat.  I was nearly 10 weeks pregnant. <3

Teething & Recalls, Recalls, Recalls...

Disclaimer:  This post may contain typos, sentences that make no sense, and a lack of flow.  Sorry.  It's late and I'm lacking sleep.

So we've been dealing with teething for the past several weeks.  Today was, by far, the worst yet.  Noah was running a fever this morning, so we gave him Tylenol. By his well-baby appointment this afternoon, it was back up to 100.6 degrees.  More Tylenol. This evening 100.9 degrees followed by extreme fussiness and discomfort.  So we gave him another dose of Tylenol before bed plus Oragel.  I'd so much rather be using the Hyland's teething tablets all of my friends raved about, but thanks to the recall I can't.  (For information about the recall you can check out their statement here: http://www.hylands.com/news/hylands-teething-recall.php)

Speaking of recalls, we have (and regularly use) the oh-so-dangerous Bumbo seat.   When I posted pictures of my son sitting in his on my facebook page I was bombarded with messages, comments, etc. from very well-meaning loved ones who were concerned because of the widely talked about recall.  I informed them that the recall was simply because they needed to put a huge warning label stating that if you put your child in the seat on an elevated surface they can fall out and get hurt.           Um               No kidding...  It only takes a tiny bit of common sense to know it's a bad idea to leave your child in it on top of the kitchen table.

Here are some other stupid recalls I've found:

- Summer Infant Video baby monitors.
   Why? Two babies were strangled by the electrical cord when the device was set on or near their crib.
   My thoughts? It's incredibly tragic, and my heart breaks for those children. But should we really have to warn people that electrical cords can strangle a baby?

- Circo Kids Camping Set.
   Why? Because the bottom of the tent failed a flammability test. 
   My thoughts?  Watch your child when they're in the tent to make sure they don't try to build a campfire inside it.  In case you didn't know, it's also a good idea to keep flammables out of reach.

- Beaba Express Steam Bottle Warmers
   Why? Because they can overheat liquids and foods, posing a burn hazard.
   My thoughts? This is the same as the warning on bottles stating not to microwave them.  Parents have heated bottles for years because babies tend to prefer warm formula/milk over cold.  Anyone with half a brain should know that you need to shake it to eliminate the hot spots.  Use your heads.

- Slings (various brands)
   Why? Suffocation
   My thoughts? If you cover a baby's face of course it can suffocate. It isn't difficult to supervise your child when they are against your body.

- Disney Princess plastic trikes
   Why? The plastic castle & princesses on the handle bar can hurt a child if they fall on it.
   My thoughts?  So can a rock in your yard. But unlike a rock that they may not see, the trike is big and bright pink. Need I say more?

- Bassinets by Burlington Basket
   Why?  It can collapse if you don't lock the legs into place.
   My thoughts?  This one is too stupid for me to even comment on.


Now, it's not that I don't agree with most recalls. If parts are falling off and becoming choking hazards, or otherwise injuring children, then yes... recall those products.  But when it seems everything is being recalled, it's hard to take any of them seriously.  Consumers can miss a recall for a truly unsafe product when it gets tossed into the same mix as these ridiculous ones. 

So many people lack common sense or would rather sue for a broken bone than accept personal responsibility.  Maybe we should be recalling them instead.

Somedays it's always "my turn"

I'm tired.  Today is one of those days when I would love for Greg to be home to help with Noah.  But he's away on a gig.  Greg is in the National Guard band while finishing up with school.  You'd think this wouldn't take him away much.  No deploying, just playing the tuba one weekend a month, two weeks a year, right?  No. Like a good daddy, he takes every opportunity to earn money with the guard that he can.  Noah turned 4 months old yesterday, and so far Greg has had 10 drill days, about 3 weeks away for various training, and goodness knows how many days of voluntary gigs like the one today.  I'm not complaining.  I know it could be much worse.  I would take this a million times a day as long as it keeps him close to home and out of harm's way.  I've been there, done that, and am glad this isn't in our immediate future.

During Greg's last (and longest) training course, we had the wonderful opportunity to talk on Skype a few times.  Noah was understandably confused about the whole thing.  The first time he saw his daddy on the screen he tried to climb over the keyboard while jibbering what I'm sure translated to, "Daddy, get out of there! I'm SO bored with just Mommy. She plays really dumb games and makes me dance to a stupid song she made up! HELP ME!"

There were other notable moments of Noah's Skype experiences, but those will have to wait... Right now I have to go change what smells like a very lovely diaper, and there's no one to turn to and say, "Your turn!"

Fat Girl...

Before becoming pregnant with Noah I was attempting to drop some weight I'd picked up over the years.  My goal? To lose 50lbs.  But once those two pink lines showed up on the stick I realized my weight would be headed in the opposite direction.  Instead of losing 50lbs, I gained 50lbs.  Now I'm not saying that he wasn't worth the stretchmarks, saggy butt, jiggle arms, and floppy belly.  I love my Baby Man and being his mommy; but I still want to look good, too!

I think this hits hardest when I see pictures of myself.  It is so disappointing to hate how you look in every photograph with your young child.  I would love to have one picture of us that I could show anyone in the world without feeling embarrassed about my own appearance.

My original weight loss goal still stands, only it is now 100lbs total.  Of course a large amount came off right in the beginning, I've continued to slowly drop the pounds.  So far I'm down 38lbs. Only 62 to go!

For starters...

Let's start out with a little bit about me...

I'm Heidi, aka Noah's Mommy.  Noah was born 9 days after my 29th birthday and is now 4 months old.  We live in West Virginia with his daddy & my boyfriend, Greg.  He's pretty awesome.

I didn't intend to be a stay-at-home mom, but life happens and you learn to adjust.  I'd been working for our family's company for a couple of years when we discovered the little guy was on his way.  I ended up on modified bedrest throughout most of my pregnancy and could no longer do the daily commute.  Thanks to my totally amazing boss (aka Dad) I was able to maintain my pay while safely growing a human and later raising him in those important first weeks. 

We had planned on starting Noah in daycare at 2-months-old so I could return to work.  It all seemed so perfect and easy, which should have been a huge red flag.  Like I said, life happens and you learn to adjust.  The company was forced to make some major cutbacks.  My job was no longer needed and someone else had been doing it for months anyway, so I got laid off.  Yep.  That's right.  By my own father.

Armed with a BA in psychology and a very nice resume I started searching for a job in mental health.  I applied for and interviewed for several jobs, but none of them offered a decent salary.  Let's just say that after taxes, insurance, childcare, and gas I would have made approximately $1.25/hr.  No thanks.  Clearly it was time for a career change, and the timing seemed to work out.  I'm now getting ready to start an online program.

So for the next several months I will be a stay-at-home mommy and online student.  I'm pretty excited about it, and have all sorts of plans on domesticating myself.  This could get interesting......